is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Come on in and take your pants off
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