Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize