textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
