hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Are we still banned from the library?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize