I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
