I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
