Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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