Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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