He told me they were just razor bumps!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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