I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
