Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
