the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Randomize