she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
