Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
