Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
