so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
