yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
