Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
