He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
