We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
