you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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