You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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