y did u give ur computer a hand job?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
