3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
