He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
