I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize