we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
