im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
