Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's shark week go big or go home
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
