If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
