He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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