dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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