i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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