How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
