5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
