apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
