i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize