i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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