I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
