You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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