it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Did I show you my penis last night?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize