Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
