She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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