I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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