Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
