He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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