roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
