I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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