Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
