I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
