You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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