can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize