Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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