I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
