lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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