there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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