put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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