I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize