I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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