peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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