i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Help. Why am I so naked?
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