He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Ladies don't puke and tell
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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