I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Drake has all the answers
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
