i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
