Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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