best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
