Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I can text with my tongue
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
