no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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