she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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