if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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