Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
