he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
