it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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