Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
