Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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